Conflict: The Doorway to Deeper Relationship

As a junior in college, I had the opportunity to lead my first short-term mission team to Belgium through SportQuest Ministries. I had served on mission teams in Belgium before and these experiences had always gone smoothly, but this was my first time in a leadership role, and we were working with a new church in a new city. This experience would prove to be very different. Upon arrival, I was met by Peter, a very stern, serious Belgian man, who would be my point of contact for our partner church. He immediately sat me down and pulled out a very detailed spreadsheet in which every second of the following week had been planned to the “T.” Next, I was handed a list of rules for our team to follow while staying in the church building. At this point, I realized we were skipping past any fun icebreakers and teambuilding games -- there were rules to follow and a schedule to keep. That’s all I needed to know. The conflict came when some of our young, exuberant team members failed to keep some of the rules. They were too noisy during meal time. They didn’t show up for dish duty. When driving the team to the basketball gymnasium, I exceeded the speed limit by a few kilometers per hour and forgot to use my turn signal once. I was immediately admonished for my errors. I was young and inexperienced and didn’t realize how what seemed like minor infractions were causing friction and tension to build in the relationship. Add to that the cultural differences, and by mid-week emotions had begun to boil over. Peter expressed his laundry list of frustrations with me and our team, and I felt completely misunderstood. This seemed like a gross overreaction. I took these issues to God in prayer and then called SQ Director, Kent Susud, for counsel. I was reminded that we were there to serve, not be served. God impressed on my heart that we should commit to taking the posture of a servant throughout the rest of the trip and put our perceived rights and wrongs aside. We looked for every opportunity to serve and changed our attitudes toward our hosts. Then one night, we asked Peter and his team to meet with our leadership team in the church building. We proceeded to pray over each of our Belgian friends and washed their feet with warm water in a plastic bowl. When I began to wash Peter’s feet, he started sobbing. The brick wall that had been erected in his heart toward us came crashing down. He stood up, and we embraced one another. That moment changed everything. For the next two decades, that church continues to be one of our strongest and most willing partners in Belgium, and Peter and I remain friends. That friendship and the last two decades of ministry with that church could’ve been lost had we demanded our rights and fought for our expectations. I learned so much on this trip, including how conflict can be the doorway to deeper relationships. When we enter into conflict humbly with a heart to serve and not be served, it changes everything.

CHALLENGE:
What relationship have you been avoiding due to conflict? How could intentionally serving that person potentially change your relationship?

"Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Matthew 20:26-28 NIV)